I was physically free, but my soul wasn't free!!

Hi, my name is Fatima, I'm not going to give my country's name and my age because I don't want to effect your thoughts, I mean it doesn't matter where I'm from or what is my name or how old I am, I can be anyone, I can be from any countries so don't judge my words because of who I am.

I was physically free, but my soul wasn't free!!
I was a Christian and I wasn't comfortable about my life, and I was asking myself 'what is my purpose' 'what will happen when I die' 'Is there is a true religion'... My heart started to turn black. I was trying to smile at people whom I love although I was sad. When I came home I always go to the toilet and I wash my face, I take a deep breath and I look at the mirror, I never looked at the mirror with a smile I was always sad. I was physically free I mean I could wear whatever I wanted but wearing everything you want is not freedom if you are not free in your heart and your soul.

So I went to church and I asked questions to priest but he was always saying the same words and he wasn't making any sense I said 'You are not answering my questions father you are just saying same things and you are changing the subject and the reason you are changing the subject is you don't have the answers and you don't even know who are you praying, you are just saying by rote the words like a parrot, you never questioned them' and he laughed at me fake and said ' Why are you asking too many questions, are you ok?

These words cannot come from you these are the devil's words..' and he said 'get out of here you don't deserve to be here!' after that I left the church and I turned my back and looked at the church and I was shocked because I raised as a Christian and I came to church more than 500 times after I left the church I felt disappointed and I was fooled and I said to my self 'I waste my weeks, years to come here every Sunday' and I thought I should go somewhere where people's pray in and I wanted to go to a mosque, before I went there I did some researches about it and when I say pictures inside of it I was shocked because it was huge and the walls were so perfect it was built impeccably.

When I went mosque and before I get in I looked at it from a distance and I saw a couple of birdhouses and I searched it on the net and I learned that the birdhouses on the mosques were Ottoman Empire's idea,  they did it for the birds because the birds can rest while they are migrating. And I was shocked again, as you know Ottoman Empire was the biggest and the longest-lived empire ever. And they were Muslim so even from the outside the mosque taught me a lot than church and I wondered what happens when I get inside: D. So I wear a scarf and I stepped in...

When I get inside I was amazed it was so silent, peaceful and breathtaking I saw the people praying namâz with peace and focus, and when I looked up I saw the dome and the words writing on it. It was huge and so perfect, and I saw the people who finished their namâz, they opened their hands and I saw their lips were moving they were praying(dua) when I saw them I sat on the ground and opened my hands like them and I said 'Please help me to find the truth'. I never felt this way when I was in church when I was praying in the church it was like talking to a wall it feels like no one is listening to you. But when I prayed (dua) in the mosque when I closed my eyes I felt the flowers growing into my heart. After pray, I went home and started to search for answers.

I started to search and I found.  I searched on the net for 2 days and on the third day I found a website called 'Gofreebooks' and I started to search and I really liked the site but I was wondering that 'Are they really giving the books for free?' While I was searching on the site I saw their social media accounts and I saw that they are really giving books for free and they posted the books they send to people. I read 1 book and I learned something new on every page and every day I learned more than yesterday and when I prayed (namâz) for the first time in my life I felt peaceful and finally I had a purpose in my life.  

I realized that everything we see has a reason to be here and I know that if Allah doesn't want even a leaf cannot fall from a tree.  Allâhu ta’âlâ gives the truth to the one who searches for truth. I wanted and Allâhu ta’âlâ gave it. And finally, I started to wear a hijab. And a funny thing happened to me one of my neighbours saw me and she looked at me and said 'What happened to you?' and I said 'Nothing happened, I just reborn and I found peace and I learned the meaning of life' she was a little bit shocked and she said 'Why are you wearing those blankets why don't you take off them, you stuck in those' and I said ' I'd rather be stuck in these than stuck in my soul and my brain' and she left, when I learned that I have to wear these clothes I was worried about it because I never wear them and I thought they might make me uncomfortable but when I wear them I was relaxed and I felt like I didn't even wear them.

Read and learn for your future.
Finally, I know I send tons of thanks message's to you guys but it is still not enough for me. The books I read changed my life and my way to the hereafter. Conversion of the religion can be thought of as an easy thing but it is not until you find the right thing, and it may take weeks, months, or years to find it but never give up! 

For the ones who are reading, this is the link of the website www.gofreebooks.com go to the website and search, try to find answers and I want to recommend a book to the ones who are reading this ' Seâdet-i Ebediyye Endless Bliss ' they split this book to 6 Fascicles because it is 1200 page and this book is a treasure. Islam is a religion which is cannot explain with words, you can only understand it by living it!

Thanks to Gofreebooks team for giving people this opportunity and sharing it with us without expecting something. 
And giving it free.